Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Is this normal?

I love him. I like hanging out with him. There are more times than I care to admit that I feel like he could care less whether we're together or not. I know he loves me. He says he loves me. I feel the passion when we kiss or make love but other than that, there's not much there. I feel like I'm a nuisance and I just get in the way of his daily routine. I cook, clean, look pretty, am extremely conversational with his friends and family... I feel like I give and give and give but there isn't much in return. He constantly doubts our relationship and tells me about it often. He assures me that he wants to be with me but he has his doubts. Am I wasting my time? He's sweet, treats me right but I feel like I'm the only one trying in this relationship sometimes. Are relationships supposed to make you think/question them so often? I thought this was supposed to be easy and feel so natural. Sometimes it does... but lately it just doesn't. Maybe I should give it some more time? Maybe I should break up with him? Maybe we just need space from each other? Ugh! S.O.S.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Seriously?... Seriously?!

This is so infuriating.

Accentuate the positives?

People are overly critical of anything and everything in their lives. There could be a million things going right and only one or two things going wrong. For some odd reason, we tend to focus all of our energy on those negative aspects. It seems like very few people appreciate the good things in life.

I can honestly say that I am very happy with my life. I have great sisters. I am getting my Masters degree. I have a great roommate. My boyfriend is amazing. I love my family. I've lost 20 pounds!

There aren't too many things going wrong with my life and those that aren't perfect don't get to me that much because you can't cry over spilled milk... but you can grab some paper towels to soak it up and make things better.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

State's Rights?

Yesterday, I took a road trip with my father. We usually end up discussing something political or something going on with the world in general. We got onto the subject of Arizona's new law of stopping anyone that looks like an illegal alien and deporting them. Okay, I'm not sure of the exact rules of the law but that's the gist of what I've been hearing about lately. Correct me if I'm wrong please. I am for state's rights.

I am all for anyone and everyone coming to the United States. There is nothing wrong with that. Yes, it may be a bit racial profiling but I'm sure Arizona, along with many other states, is tired of waiting around for the government to do something about this. I think that as long as you go through the proper steps with paperwork and properly become a legal citizen of the United States, then come on over and we'll welcome you or anyone else for that matter with open arms. People are just tired of others not going through the proper paperwork I think.

Is this a problem in other countries? Do we not know what's going on in other countries if this is going on around the world?

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Keeping things P.C.?...

makes me want to roll my eyes. I understand that things are not always portrayed in the best light. But come on, you can't think that you're going to go through your entire life without something or someone offending you. I think people need to take a chill pill and get over themselves. Most of the things that go on around the world that involve people getting upset over politically incorrect things are never intentional. They are things that just happen and then someone, somewhere wants to get some money from it so they have to find something that offends them.

Again, you can't expect to go through your life without someone or something offending you. This p.c. stuff is such bullshit and I really HOPE that one of these days people will get over themselves, be an adult, and deal with it. lol

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


I really do love him. He always leaves me feeling all warm and melty inside after we get off of Skype. One day we will live in the same city. It's not too bad though. We live 45 minutes apart from one another. We have to because he is getting his Ph.D. at one school and I'm working on my Masters at another.

Gotta love that man!

He keeps saying he's "so proud" of me...

I lied to my father. I don't want him to know that I almost got kicked out of my University. My professor wanted to meet with me a few days ago to discuss my final paper. Apparently, it was too similar to my other paper that I wrote in another class this semester. I'm not going to make any excuses for myself because when I think about it, I did "double-dip". At the time I was writing the two papers, I wasn't thinking about that at all. All of my professors say that you should direct all of your papers in graduate school towards your topic in your final thesis paper. They say to do this so there will be a lot less work to do in the final semester. I used the same theory for both papers. I used the same method for both papers. I analyzed my data in the same way as well. However, the topics were not the same, the literature review (aside from the theory) was not the same, the results section was different, the discussion section was different and the conclusion was different. I got a C in one class (which is near death to any grad student). So, my professor told me that I must write an entirely different paper over the summer in order to complete his class and stay in the graduate school program. THANK YOU BABY JESUS!!! I really wanted to enjoy my summer vacation but I'd rather do the research and writing of a paper all over again instead of getting thrown out of school. Nothing's ever easy... but at least I now know what "double dipping" is. My professor said that he could not give me an A because that wouldn't be fair to the other students which is understandable. I would've had an A if this wouldn't have happened. UGH! Hopefully I can do amazing on the paper and get a B or possibly a C. The department's website says that after three C's, you are kicked out of the program. So... I must bust ass for the remainder of my time in graduate school. I just need to learn better time management skills and stop procrastinating with t.v. watching and playing on the internet.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Do you ever feel like...

you're not fully a grown up yet? Everyone around me seems so together with everything they do. I feel like I am still a little kid in a grown up world that is forever meant to mess up with everything she does. There are so many type A personalities out there, it's insane. I really want to be more organized and on top of my game but I can never seem to reach that point.

Procrastination is my worst enemy. I get distracted so easily. My main distractions are playing on the internet with things that have absolutely nothing to do with school or work and watching hours of endless, mind numbing television. I need to wear a rubber band on my wrist and snap it each time I waste time on either one of these activities so that I associate pain with it. I just need/want to be more together.

Sometimes I feel that if I had more money, everything would be easier for me. I am working towards my Masters degree in public relations right now. My family does not have a lot of money to help me out (seems like every other girl in my major has family just giving them tons of cash). I'm constantly struggling to stay afloat with my finances. I can't wait to graduate so I can find a real job and make things a bit easier. I wonder if there's some sort of specialist I could go to, assuming I could afford it, in order to make me a more organized individual?

Sunday, May 9, 2010

New Chapter

For the first time in a long time, I am happy. I was never depressed but just content with where my life was. So many things have changed in the past year. I have finished my first year in graduate school. I have a boyfriend that I have been dating for the past almost four months that I love very much. I have a great apartment and one amazing roommate.

Yesterday, the boyfriend and I went to my cousin's wedding a few cities over. It was a perfect wedding. Everything went off without a hitch. My boyfriend looked great in his suit and I looked pretty in my dress (a 1940's cream and chocolate brown polka-dot dress with matching chocolate brown wedge shoes). The reception was outside at the bride's parent's house in their backyard. Yes, it was a very tasteful southern wedding. We had a great time together until we were almost back to his apartment. He was looking off into the distance like he sometimes does. On this particular occasion, I asked him what he was thinking. He said he was thinking about us and our future. I think the wedding got to him. He said that my cousin and his bride just seemed to be so sure of their love and everything seemed so perfect for the two of them. He was comparing their relationship to ours. Nothing is ever perfect. We don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Of course their wedding day made their relationship seem ideal... it was their wedding day! I'm sure they've had their disagreements and fights with one another. If you really love someone, you should try your best to work through all of the bullshit. Right?